Time and Changes

In a few hours, a new year will be upon us. I guess it's time to reflect on the past year, and see if we've learned anything from it.

So to everyone I've fucked up this past year, I offer my apologies.
And to that specific someone:

I'm sorry for all the shit I've done to you. I hope you can forgive me, and learn to trust me again.


There. I'm done.

FH Christmas Card 2009

FH CHRISTMAS CARD 2009

CLICK THAT LINK NAO

Courtesy of YomToxic and the fuckheads at FH

It had felt like the longest time since I'd smiled.

Really. Really, truly smiled.

Thank you, my friend, for the wonderful day with you.
Thank you for making me smile.

Tonight I pay off all debts

I waited for the answer.
It was a "No".


I guess I assumed too much, took for granted the fact that I lost her trust.
This is me paying for my crimes.
I accept her decision.

It hurts. It feels like a knife is in my chest.

But I can't change things.

All I can do now is live.

Today I lay old ghosts to rest

A person I know said that people have moments of absolute clarity, when you see everything as it is, when bullshit fades and you see the plain, unvarnished truth.

Today, I had a moment of clarity.

I saw that I was letting the past choke me. I let it stifle me.
I was being poisoned, dying bit by bit.

I then knew what I had to do.

I had to let the past go.

I called the person in my past. talked.
I asked if we could be friends again. She wasn't sure.


I set the past free.

It doesn't matter now whether she says yes or no. It doesn't matter anymore. For the first time in almost a year, I am free.

Because I let the past go.
I buried the dead.
I gave the past it's due.
In the end that's all anyone can do. Well, that and live.