My beloved,
It’s been 2 months since you left. 2 months since my heart broke when you turned your back and departed.
I guess it would be safe to say that I haven’t gotten over you. I dream of you, I think of you constantly.
I keep thinking that there must have been something I could have done to make you stay. I made so many mistakes while we were together, did you so much wrong. If I could only turn back the hours, how I’d take back each and every hurtful thing said and done.
I tried my best to make you happy but I guess I failed. But you, you gave me happiness beyond what I ever dreamed of before, and for that I will always be grateful.
When you were in my arms, my world was complete. Now you’re gone, the world is full of shadows.
It sounds trite but I miss you. Each and everyday without you is torture. I keep willing myself not to go after you, like I really want to because my presence would only cause you problems. Problems you don’t need. So instead I keep to myself. And when everything becomes too much to bear, I tend to lash out at you. I’m sorry. It just gets too difficult to deal with.
I know that if I truly love you I should let go. But how can I? You gave me my balance back, and my sense of life. Without you, I am nothing.
Do you remember the bargain we made? That while we were together and we hadn’t reached the end yet and you tried to make an excuse to leave, I could have you indefinitely? I never took you up on that. Maybe because I didn’t want to force you to stay. Because I wanted you to decide to stay of your own free will.
So here I am now. Alone in the gathering dark of my life.
I love you. I want you back. Could it be any plainer than that?
PS:
This won’t change anything though, so I won’t send you this letter. You may or may not get to read this, since it’ll be up on my page anyways and you may or may not be viewing my page anyway. And I don’t expect anything from you. I just wanted you to know how I feel.
A church, somewhere:
I sat at the back pews, watching the people at the church altar. I look and wonder at the looks on everyone’s faces as they watch the happy bride and groom. The old priest, his face lined with the years gone by, intones in his sonorous voice: “You may kiss the bride.” I turn my back and walk out of the church. I look at the sky, slowly darkening with rain clouds, and I whisper, to myself, “I hate weddings.”
Walking across the parking lot, I search my coat pockets and find what I was looking for: cigarettes. I pull one out of my pack and get my lighter out and light the bastard. The acrid smoke fills my nostrils as I inhale the cancerous toxins. So yeah, doctors say it’s not good for you, bit you sometimes need a way to release the stress, am I right?
I exhale and turn around to see the happy couple exit the church. I school my mug into a neutral expression as the last formalities of the wedding take place. The bride sees me from across the lot and waves her usual exuberant wave and smiles….. I smile back and turn around as tears flood my eyes….
I hate weddings….. But I loved her.
I see her, the face of my lover.
I feel her, her silken skin under my touch.
I hear her, the voice of an angel.
I reach out…….
Rain. I love rain. Somehow, it feels cathartic. Cleansing. I am getting wet right now, but I don’t mind, I’m growing cold, but I don’t mind. It feels…..nice, as if my worries are fading away….. And suddenly, I think of my immediate past…….
I remember that fated night, I remember seeing her sitting at the bar, her dress clinging to her body, her lovely face and her eyes, alight and shining with mischief and intelligence, almost like she knew a joke no one else did. I was captivated. And when she went to the stage and began to sing, I was lost…….
Now why am I thinking of that night? Damn, I’m cold……..
A siren, with her beautiful voice….. I was rapt with attention. I was falling…. I went near and introduced myself, asked her out for a drink. She laughed and demurred, she said she had a pressing engagement, but thanked me for the drink. As she left the bar, I followed her with my eyes as she exited the place….. And suddenly I remembered: I forgot to get her name. Idiot.
I began haunting that place, hoping to catch a glimpse of my siren again. Every night, I waited, hoping, praying. And then I saw her again….
Our eyes met….
And Zeus smote man with his thunderbolts, and Odin struck the world with his spear…..
A slight smile curved her lips as she saw me at my table. Gesturing to the band, she walked over, while launching into a sultry rendition of “ The look of love”…..
Damn. Why these thoughts? Suddenly my knees feel weak…. And my arms feel heavy and numb….
That was where it began. Flowers. Cards. Little things that made her laugh, like that damn ugly stuffed pig he won for her during one date at the county fair. Or the time they made a mess of her apartment kitchen while cooking dinner. Gadding about town, taking in the sights they only looked at, but never really saw before…..
My chest is on fire. The numbness is spreading and my vision is fading. Dammit, what’s happening to me?
I remember the first time we kissed, the storm that raged outside her apartment that night. I remember the confused and sad look on her face as we broke apart. I thought back to the tears in her eyes. And I remembered the sadness as she told me her secret…..
She told me of her husband, of the troubles she faced. He was a cop, a corrupt man, evil and amoral. She told me of the beatings, of the sadistic ways he took her. Of the schemes he forced her to participate in.
I look at my left arm, and a trickle of blood falls….Shot? I was shot?
I thought of our love-making, of the pain-pleasure we felt. Of our questing hearts and hands. I resolved to get to the bottom of the problem. I was a cop. I would confront her husband. I would bring him down. I would save her, and myself. I would save us both…..
Flashing lights and police sirens. I gaze down at my right hand and see that I still hold my gun…. Then I see her , tears in her eyes, and she’s mouthing words I cannot hear….
I walk to her. I drop my gun and lurch forward…I cannot feel my legs anymore. She moves toward me, and I collapse in her arms. She gazes at me and tells me “Please forgive me.”
And I say, just before the light claims me “I love you.”
A goodbye to my lover
A story by TG Cid
The young man slowly stretched, yawned and sat up from the bed. Sleepily rubbing his eyes, he looked at the alarm clock on the desk near his bed. Checking the time, he found it to
Then suddenly, his thoughts were lost as he heard her voice beckoning, asking of him, in her most tender way : “What are you thinking, love?” He looked at her, with tears of sadness and a ghost of a smile on his lips, answered “I was thinking of you , love. Of you and forever.” “Silly.” Said his lover, smiling at him warmly, before sitting up on the bed, letting the covers slide off of her body as she cupped his tear-streaked face in her hands, “don’t think of the unknown. Think of our now.” His shoulders rocked with his sobs and she brought his head to her bosom, like the way one would comfort a crying child. She stroked his back with her tender touch and soothed him as he wept on her , weeping tears of desolation and loss.
As his sobs weakened, she reached for his face, a face which would forever haunt her dreams, and softly whispered in his ear, “think of me only and of how happy you made me these past months. Think of how we both have grown. And think of the beautiful future ahead of you.”
He opened his eyes and asked her simply “Did I really make you happy?”
“You did. So very much.”
“Then why end it this way?”
“Because it’s better this way. For both of us.”
He closed his eyes and asked her “How can it be better when we’re breaking each other’s hearts? How can it be better when we’re hurting each other like this? How?”
“Because we’d hurt each other more if we stay together. And I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have.”
He whispered in reply : "Then hurt me one last time." Before he swept forward and kissed her.
Keeping his lips on hers, he slowly pushed his lover back on the bed. Still kissing each other passionately, the young man swept his hands and removed the blanket covering the rest of his lover’s body whilst she ran her hands tenderly over her lover’s chest…… And soon the fires of passion consumed both as they consummated their vows of love for the very last time, all the while calling out each others names and speaking their words of love…...
And as the fires cooled down, they whispered to each other,
“Good bye, my lover, goodbye…..”
The Morning will come:
Hey!
I know this seems like the coward’s way, but leaving you while you slept was far easier than confronting you this morning. Don’t think badly of me, please, even if I know what happened between us would basically be my fault.
Why I kept the fact that I was already in a relationship from you when we began seeing each other is beyond me. I probably thought I could have my cake and eat it too. But I was wrong. So wrong. I thought I could control things but I was wrong. You see, as you fell in love with me, I fell in love with you too. And it was wrong because I already loved another….but it did not stop me from falling for you. Deeply.
So I now pray, my love, that you will find the happiness that I can never give you. I pray that you will find that special someone who will change your life and change your thoughts of sadness to happiness. And most of all, I pray for your well-being. Never forget that you will always have a special place in my heart. Forever.
I will always love you,
XXXXXX
